Blackcraft Wrestling: No Apologies

April 7, 2019

This is my first time watching Blackcraft. I’ve definitely heard about the company, and throughout the day I heard about the show. I’m familiar with some wrestlers on the card, but I am gonna memory swipe myself and watch it like I was a first time fan.

Before I begin. I heard that this show was the worst show of the year, quite possibly the decade. I have no idea why. As of this writing there is only one show that I know of left and that’s Wrestlemania. Now, it’s time to see for myself.

Cold Open

Um… So far it’s just a graphic that says No Apologies and you can hear some talking over some goth rock type stuff. I honestly think I am hearing people talking about how bad this show is going to be? That can’t be what I am hearing, but I think so! Wow, I am in for a hell of a ride on a shitshow roller coaster.

Now the music is a lot quieter and the commentator’s are on. They are talking about how they are going to commentate. No knowledge that this is being recorded and broadcast! Thank god FITE just puts it up On Demand after the stream with no edits. Glorious.

The commentators are upset the show hasn’t started yet. So the company or whoever is running it is starting late. No one seems to know that is on commentary. Pretty sure they are smoking dab pens and riffing on the devil and what he would say about satanic wrestling.

Some guy comes out spouting some Satanic stuff and it’s legit Man In Black from Halloween 6. Like the whole cult thing where Jamie was getting pregnant by Michael, runes and shit. This preacher is making people chant “We are unbelievers” and now they are crucifying someone.

AAANNNDD it’s a real crucifixion. They are hammering nails in this dudes hands. Fans are gagging and shit. This dude is legit bleeding from the hands. He is now a member of Blackcraft wrestling. They are gonna leave him hanging there for a while. Tons of people filming it. Preacher dude says. “This is Blackcraft Wrestling and there are no apologies.” Well no fucking shit.

Devil’s Den Match

G-Raver vs. Shlak

  • Jimmy Havoc was supposed to be here but he was too injured. It looks like he had cut his arm pretty bad, but that’s all I know.
  • Devil’s Den Match is where the ring ropes are actually chains.
  • So I know the crucifixion was supposed to offend me, and I went to a christian school for 9 years. But, having Shlak on a card is more offensive? I don’t know.
  • G-Raver and Shlak are already out of the ring. Suplexing each other into the crowd on the chairs. Shlak has some wound bandaged up on his back. It’s a weird looking wound.
  • There is brawling and Shlak throws G-Raver through a door. Commentary says Shlak was once injected with Jack Daniels.
  • Shlak plastic bags G-Raver. Commentary “if you do that outside of a wrestling ring that is a felony.
  • I don’t get why this is a “Devils’s Den” if it’s just chain ropes. Dudes using chairs and tables. Very slow. This does look like a real fight, because it’s just sloppy and ugly.
  • Most entertained I’ve been in this match is when the ref counts the pin. His whole body jumps in the air each strike of the mat. It’s wonderful.
  • Both men are bleeding from the head. G-Raver puts tattoo needles in Shlak’s head and then hits that shit with a chair.. Shlak kicked out at two.
  • Dude’s still crucified by the way. I think that’s why the show took so long to open. Had to get the chains set up and figure out how to crucify someone.
  • G-Raver wins by hitting a Meteora on Shlak into the table. Not through it.

And I’m Like… G-Raver wins the match. But Shalk threw a door at G-Raver then bit some flesh off G-Raver. Raver just smiled. Man this match was not good at all and makes no sense. If this is supposed to set the tone of the show.. It’s definitely a tone. While the ring is cleaned, the guy is still crucified.

The ropes are getting put back up and the crucified guy is put down. We get a rundown of the card and a video package of a previous show. I guess Matt Justice won a chalice of something. He drank it but then spit onto the preacher? No idea what that means. Then we see footage of Matt Justice beating someone in front of 20 fans. Then all these druids starting beating up Justice and destroying the ring. There were more druids than fans so it was quite a sight. Really Halloween 6 the wrestling promotion. Kinda love it. The entire crowd was cheering for the ring destruction and Justice’s beating. Then they buried Matt Justice alive in an actual grave? The camera cuts to the crowd burying him with chairs, the cuts to Justice being left in a field while the preacher caresses his body?

OVE shows up. Crist’s said “I just saw some jerk off get crucified. Fuck that guy”. Crist tells someone to suck his dick. He apologizes for cursing because it’s a “christian show”. “Fuck Ohio” chant from the crowd.

OVE vs. The Crown vs. The Butcher and The Blade vs. Damian 666 and Bestia 666 vs. TME

  • I’m glad that there is a video screen because the commentators just said. “Look who it is” and never tells me the name of this team facing OVE. They say they don’t really know who they are and finally say Alexander James and Jurn Simmons. They don’t say who is who though and there is no chyrons or name plates to explain it to us.
  • Andy Williams has a monocle and a mustache and The Blade is in some weird mask. This is the fist thing that has popped me outside of how the ref counts to three. The look of The Butcher and The Blade is outstanding. I hope they wrestle as good as they look.
  • The two most satanic Mexican wrestlers would for sure be on a Satanic show. They are father and son and shake the hand of The Butcher.
  • There are so many teams in this match. TME are like jocks? Ther are five teams right now and no one really knows what is going on.
  • The match starts and there is no bell or anything. The fans aren’t really reacting. No one really knows what is happening or if it’s a one fall to the finish or what.
  • The camera is just a hard camera and only catches what is in the ring. There is a hand held but the producer never cuts to it. So we are just watching the 666 family beating up one of the Mane Event wrestlers. No idea where the other 5 wrestlers are.
  • Are there five wrestlers? I have no idea.
  • TME just pinned someone and the commentators didn’t catch it. A bunch of the wrestlers walk to the back and I guess TME won the tag team championship and we didn’t even know that was on the line.

And I’m Like… The commentator said “Blackcraft Wrestling with black tag team champions.” Wow. What even was this? I feel like the ropes and the crucifixion took so long that it fucked every other thing up. Starting late, plus that opening thing. That cuts like a half hour into the show. So everyone needs to figure out what minutes get cut from what match. Which probably just ruins everyone’s plans.

Gangrel vs. Matthew Justice

  • Sometimes Gangrel is the “Vampire Warrior” so I don’t know why he gets to be Gangrel with The Brood entrance music.
  • They start off with a collar and elbow! The commentator says that this is very personal. This promotion is so backwards! If we hit each other with chairs and needles, then it’s just a regular old match, but if they collar and elbow, then that shit is personal!
  • Matthew Justice suicide dives onto Gangrel into the first four rows of chairs. The commentators are just naming different body parts that could be injured.
  • These two are having a basic ass wrestling match, but it’s good. The crowd is reacting, which is nice. Gangrel is really bringing the heat to Justice.
  • Gangrel gets hit with a knee drop from the top rope and kicks out at two. Justice is trying to get his comeback. The crowd is chanting “Justice” but Gangrel cuts Matthew off.
  • Justice hits the Death Valley Driver from out of nowhere and wins the match.

And I’m Like… The commentators say that The Preacher is pissed as fuck right now. So Justice is feuding with the Preacher because he spit a chalice in Preachers face. The crowd is clapping for Gangrel for giving a great performance. That was the best thing on the show so far.

The Essence vs. Machiko San & Kimber Lee

  • We get some more wrestling. Harlow O’Hara had some good exchanges with Kimber Lee.
  • When Vipress and Machiko San tag in they hit some great suplexes . Kimber sees Machiko get beat on the outside and she just stands there.
  • When Machiko gets beat on in the ring though? Kimber Lee is right in there to distract the ref so the Essence can beat on San.
  • Kimber is trying to get the crowd to clap for Machiko. Which makes me wonder, do satinist Black Craft unbeliever wrestling fans cheer babyfaces?
  • Kimber Lee went for a Swanton bomb and missed. They cut to the hand cam, but it’s super blurry.
  • The Essence win after Harlot O’Hara hit a Cradle DDT so Vipress could get the win.

And I’m Like… That was a fast wrestled match. They got some good moves in with some quick tags but there wasn’t much in the way of story. The ref was rushing them out of the ring and by the time the women were at the curtain, the next match was starting.

Simon Grimm vs. Pentagon Jr.

  • Pentagon in Blackcraft is Penta 0M. So Blackcraft gets Gangrel but can’t get Pentagon Jr.? Copy-write laws are confusing.
  • Grimm wants to start the match but Pentagon tells him to stop and wants everyone to be quiet so they could her him tell Simon Grimm he has no fear.
  • Grimm almost breaks Penta’s arm quickly after that, lets Penta up and says he gives zero fucks.
  • The match is a few moves here and there and a pin. The match is wrestled quickly and there is no time for the moves to breathe.
  • We get a chop battle while the commentators talk about how amazing it is that Penta is here.
  • Gotch caught Penta with a flash Gotch Style piledriver and won.

And I’m Like… This match was fast and furious and Grimm won rather quickly. As Simon was celebrating, Teddy Hart just walked out to somewhere else and took everyone’s attention. Then Grimm told a fan to stand up, and then broke his chair. Wild… THIS IS WILD! Like what the hell is going on?!?

Dick Justice vs. Luchasaurus vs. Matt Cross vs. Mecha Wolf vs. Teddy Hart vs. Rey Fenix

  • Dick comes out rather quickly but Luchasaurus takes a good minute or so to even show up after his music played.
  • Everyone is taking a bit to come out. These entrances are longer than most matches.
  • Mecha Wolf has a great fucking look for his entrance. Then kind of cheesy after the mask comes off. Luchasaurs is something else. Just a genius gimmick.
  • Teddy out with his cat. Twitter was very upset over it, well parts of Twitter. Teddy Hart supposedly drugs the cat so it doesn’t freak out? I heard that Teddy trains his cat so who really knows. All I know is that the cat is chilling on the top turnbuckle.
  • Teddy shakes everyone’s hand. You can kind of tell it’s gonna be unpredictable.
  • The crowd is chanting “We Want Dick” and Teddy gets the crowd behind it. Dick and Luchasaurs start off wile the rest of the wrestlers watch.
  • Dick Justice tried to pull a finger gun on Luchasaurus but Lucha ain’t buying it. Now everyone gets to get some of their shit in.
  • Fenix hasn’t even taken his hoody off. Fenix and Hart are the last two in the ring and have a strike battle.
  • Mecha Wolf just starts diving out of ever side of the ring and fans are getting taken out, wrestlers taken out. Teddy moonsaults onto everyone and then helps Dick Justice go onto the top rope. Dick climbs down to the bottom rope. Then to the apron. Dick jumps off the apron onto everyone else. Teddy is loving it.
  • Mecha Wolf and Luchasaurus square off. Luchasaurus gets to shine, then Matt Cross comes in, etc. for the rest of the dudes.
  • Teddy Hart wins with a Canadian destroyer off the top rope.

And I’m Like… That match was a by the numbers multi man match. Everyone get their time to shine and there isn’t much or any story. Teddy jumped off the top rope over the fans to the stage. This is the weirdest show I’ve ever watched. Fenix took his hoody off AFTER the match.

Chris Dickenson vs. Masato Tanaka

  • The commentary team really put over the fact that they will not apologize for this show whatsoever.
  • This match has some very quick counter wrestling. The way Tanaka walks weirds me out. Like his neck isn’t normal looking and he just doesn’t move like something I’m used to seeing.
  • Dickenson hit an UGLY piledriver right on to he apron on Tanaka. The camera showed Tanka’s head was well lower than it should have been. That is prolly why Tanaka walks so weird.
  • Dickenson gets a table out and Tanaka still hasn’t done much of anything after that piledriver. Dickenson is trying to powerbomb Tanakaover the top rope throught the table.
  • Tanaka ends up trying to piledrive Dickenson through the table. Chris ends up Death Valley Driving Masato through a table onto the concrete. The fans aren’t reacting they are just looking at it. This is so weird. The crowd is like politely watching this show.
  • These boys are hitting each other hard and rading clotheslines. The fans are starting to enjoy it more.
  • Dickenson hits Tanaka with a Michinoku driver from the top rope and Tanaka still kicks out. The funny ref that counts the pinfalls by like jumping his whole body is in the ring.
  • We are getting chair shots to the head. Unprotected. Idiots.
  • Dickenson is now bleeding from the forehead. Tanaka and Dickenson trade shots back and forth until Chris hits a powerbomb. Masato kicked out.
  • Dickenson now sets a table up. I don’t realy know what the story of this match is, I think maybe it’s Dickenson wanting to do all of his favorite spots from Tanaka’s ECW matches. Tanaka hits his Superfly splash and Dickenson kicks out at one.
  • We now are getting a sprint. Trading German’s hitting diamond dusts and Dickenson keeps kicking out. The crowd is loving it. Tanaka then hits a shining wizard and finally wins the match.

And I’m Like… This was so a Dickenson dream match. He thanks Tanaka and starts crying. This was a dude wrestling his childhood hero. This was an entire life of planning into one match. When put in that context. This was great. Match of the night for sure. There is only like a half hour left of the show too. Gonna be hard to top that.

Maria Manic vs. Saraya Knight

  • Maria used to be a great follow on Twitter, until she got suspended.
  • Saraya and Maria start fighting in the crowd. Some of the fans had no idea and are seriously shocked that it is happening.
  • Blackcraft is like remembering a drunk night. You can piece a lot of it together but there is no logic behind the events that transpire. You’re just like, oh yeah there was a crucifixion and a death match. I think a tag? Then the Tanaka/Dickenson match was when you sobered up a bit. Then took a bunch of shots and were like “I think some badass women just started fighting in the crowd.
  • They wrestled to ringside and then just stared at each other for a bit until Manic fucked up Saraya’s day with a forearm.
  • The Essence is just there now.. Saraya is telling the referee to count. The ref rang the bell and then started counting. Maria just got counted out? What in gods name.

And I’m Like… LOL! The crowd and performers are shocked. This is so weird. It’s like a weird fever dream. The ring still isn’t cleaned all the way from the Tanaka match. Man I love this kind of. It’s a car crash and I’m driving slow as hell.

Blackcraft Championship

David Starr vs. Johnny Blackcraft (c)

  • This match should be real good.
  • They even have championship style introductions.
  • Funny count ref is the ref too.
  • The match starts with a pin and Johnny Blackcraft wins….

And I’m Like… After the one move pin, David Star starts trying to choke out Blackcraft. The Preacher is watching on. The crowd is not happy. The announcer says “No Apologies”. The Preacher is talking but the mic isn’t picking it up. This is rough….. Poor David Starr.

Matthew Justice comes out and I guess he is getting a match? So Matthew Justice just slit The Preacher’s throat. The crowd applauds. So Justice gets a championship match by killing the general manager.

Blackcraft Championship

Matthew Justice vs. Johnny Blackcraft(c)

  • Matthew Justice hits one move after murdering someone and winning the championship. The commentator keeps saying “No Apologies”. People are getting ready to leave, others are covered in Preacher blood. I think the show is over now?

And I’m Like… What? I can’t help but laugh because they keep saying “No Apologies!”. Like they know, this is just shit. Now a bunch of wrestlers are walking out?!?!

Baphoment Battle Royale

Victor Benjamin, Lady Frost, Zicky Dice, Gory, Kit Osborne, John Wayne Murdoch, Mance Warner, Dale Paricks, KTB, Derek Direction, Dave Dutra, Benjamin Carter, Royce ISaacs, Sledge, Stockade, Conan Lycan, Conor Claxton, Lord Creww, Rory Gulak, Cory Futruistic, Pinkie Sanchez, Atticus Cogar, Anthony Greene, Casanova Valentine, Arik Cannon, Matt Light, Swoggle and Justin Credible and Frank The Clown

  • Fucking what?!?! Everyone just walks into the ring. This is nuts. Like this is how you finish the show? Murder a dude, the fans are leaving and then tons of dudes just walk out?
  • What in the hell! HAHAHAHA! Did they forget? This is out of control.
  • People are getting thrown out so fast. Frank The Clown and Justin Credible just kind of show up. The crowd has no idea.
  • Honestly this show is legendary. There needs to be books on this show. Just what the hell is going on. How much are these people being paid? Did the promoter make any money? How may people will never check out this promotion again?
  • The fans really don’t know how to react. Rory Gulak gets a reaction for putting a submission on in the middle of a battle royal.
  • Arik Cannon is legit just walking around the ring and drinking beer. Gets on the apron and drinks a beer. It’s tremendous. Dudes just drinking PBR. Now Cannon is in the ring? So was he never in the match? Tremendous.
  • This is absolutely amazing. So, the building is turning the lights on and of. The staff is forming a line at the top of the stage and trying to kick fans out of the arena while the math is going on. Apparently there was a curfew for the building and Blackcraft is still running the show after the curfew.
  • Frank The Clown is crawling through the staff and fans. The wrestlers are still just wrestling. This is nuts. Cards are falling from the ceiling. The lights are going down and up.

And I’m Like… The commentary team is telling us that they are getting threatened to get kicked out of the building. They say No Apologies again and someone won the battle royal but who really knows.

That was a fucking show I guess. Its damn near legendary. Just horrible chaos with a lot of fucking wasted talent. I want to know everything about the “if Fyre Festival was also Halloween 6” of wrestling.
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