You’re not gonna believe this but…
Tijuana Mexico, I have a few friends living in the outskirts who monitor the activity of a certain ‘cartel’ who specialize in the importing and exporting of goods and services not common and otherwise illegal to the good people of Tijuana.
This story has nothing to do with that.
Des Moines, Iowa I was involved in a poker game with a few friends who I’d met while they were vacationing in Lake Como, Italy. I was in the area and invited to the event. This adventurer can’t say no, especially when it pertains to a round of Texas Hold’em. I arrived (via hang glider) and landed in the backyard. I realized I forgot to bring snacks. I was sure they’d forgive me, besides I bring charm, charisma and entertainment, worth far more than any salted potato or cheese covered coronary morsel.
After being berated by the group for my lack of Cheetos, I sat down at the table for what is undoubtedly my favorite game of chance. Texas Hold’em. Naturally I excel at virtually everything l place my manly hands on, this is no different. I was unstoppable, pocket pairs galore for this adventurer. A pair of fish hooks here a pair of snowmen there, any pair of cards was a winner in my hands. I was taught by the late Bill Buttersby, “you play the man, not the cards”. Wise words in life as well.
After two hours I was done to my last $10. As Mr. Buttersby also famously taught me “all you need is a chip and a chair”. My next hand was it, my big winning hand, I could feel it. Two 7’s, suited. Or as I like to refer to them “a pair of mullets” my favourite hand in all of poker. I was the last to bet which worked out perfectly for me. I put my final $10 in the pot. No one saw my raise, except the host, the very man who was the ring leader at ridiculing me for my lack of Ringolos. The host raised me $1,345. Unfortunately for me I can’t say no. I had to call, but with no money? I offered my hang glider in lieu of the money, but I also wanted to make things interesting. “My hang glider is worth more than $1,345 so what do you say you throw in your sister?” I’ve always had an eye for his sister ever since I walked in the room 2 hours prior.
“I accept” said the host “however, my sister is more valuable than your hang glider (not true) so what do you say we make it interesting?”
I had to think for a moment, what could he mean? He’s already bet his family? What’s else could he want?
“I want…your hat, Stone Rockwell.”
Now before you say to yourself that this is not on par with $1,345, a hang glider and a sister, ask yourself “have you seen my hat?” If you have you known it’s the finest quality and the rarest of the rare. Nothing compares. NOTHING! Unfortunately for me, I had to say yes. Still, I had a good feeling.
Long story short, I took a hang glider home with $1,345 extra dollars in my breast pocket and the hosts sister, who I eventually had to leave in Laos, Cambodia. Turns out if she’s concentrating on something, she breathes really loudly, I mean REALLY loudly through her nose. It’s unbearable.
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