You’re not gonna believe this but …
I have had adventures on land, in the sea and even in the sky. A man of my “adventurosity” knows no boundaries. I’ve even had many an adventure in…outer space!
What? You don’t believe me? I’m not surprised. Most people can’t believe the stories I tell. That’s why I’m a man of adventure, one must expect the unexpected.
Stockholm, Sweden 1996, whilst visiting a friend of mine that I’d met white water kayaking in Brisbane, Australia, Keith Snaggleshank, I decided to stop over quickly in Reykjavik Iceland to see a lovely lady I lost touch with whom I desperately wanted to touch with, again. It was somewhere en route (by Jet Ski) that I noticed a gleam off in the distance. I assumed it was nothing more than a satellite set out by the government used to track my many adventures ( more on that another day). I quickly dismissed the theory as the beam of light seemed to be circling the sky and getting closer and closer to my Jet Ski.
It became clear to me that his was indeed from another world as it approached me as I sit prone in the water.
A beam of light came cascading over me and I felt a surge of energy go through my body as I levitated up off my Jet Ski and seemed to be getting sucked up into this space craft. Any normal man would be trembling with fear, not I. I’m always prepared and as I’ve stated before “I leave my fear pills in my other pants”.
I boarded the craft. No E.T, No Alf, No Jean Luc Picard. These weren’t even the typical “alien” creatures you’d see depicted in movies and television with large black eyes. Every alien creature aborted this vessel looked exactly like Josh Mathews, beloved (by few) announcer for Impact Wrestling.
When I questioned the creatures on their appearance they told me it was a disguise. They chose a form that they deemed “gender neutral” as not to offend anyone on earth, and decided to be as they put it “not feminine and at the same time, not masculine either” and who was I to judge?
After probing and discussion and probing and battle and probing and analyzing and probing and debate and finally a truce followed by probing, we agreed that in order for this alien life to live amongst the people of earth that they cannot take the form of Josh Mathews as it would raise suspicion and I didn’t feel that was in anyone’s best interest.
They were enamoured with my broad shoulders, stunning beard, pearly white teeth and masculinity, as almost everyone is. I sensed they were going to pull a “Josh Mathews” and clone my look. I was confident that they may capture my look but they’d never be able to harness my spirit, intellect and zeal for adventure. I allowed them to run more testing. The aliens concluded that they could not at all harness any of my intangibles. I was asked if anyone else was like me on earth. For the good of humanity I did the only thing I could, I lied and said “Yes, there are many people like me on earth”.
The aliens seemed shocked and a bit frightened. It was as if they knew if there were more people like Stone Rockwell … Adventurer that their hopes of world domination would be dashed.
The aliens reluctantly allowed me back on to earth and reunited me with my Jet Ski.
I saved the earth of being overrun by alien life forms that look exactly like Josh Mathews and the world didn’t even know it. Until now…
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