Who doesn’t love adventure? Check out our latest feature as Stone Rockwell tells us about his past adventures!
“An adventure never begins with the word NO”
– Stone Rockwell, 2016
You’re not going to believe this. Whilst accompanying a friend of mine (Gordon Lumquist, III) en route to Kyoto, Japan for reasons I cannot disclose, Gordon and I decided to place a gentleman’s wager to settle a bet regarding who had the more manly beard. We decided that the only way to settle the bet was to have the pilot land the plan in Hawaii so we could try surfing for the first time.
The pilot refused to land the plane blubbering on about safety and other passengers, I wasn’t paying attention. I decided that the only natural thing to do was land the plane myself. Luckily I had flown several planes over the years, both commercial and otherwise, so the trickiest part was putting the pilot to sleep using a special chloroform I keep tucked away for just such occasions. Long story short, we touched down in Honolulu, Hawaii!
After scaring up a couple of surfboards from some local ruffians, Gordon and I set out on our way. While on the hike I mused to Gordon that “wouldn’t it be more of an adventure to learn to surf in shark infested waters?” Gordon hesitated briefly and agreed to “up the ante”. Our wager for most manly beard was now a surfing competition over shark infested waters in Hawaii. Some would call this crazy, Stone Rockwell calls it Wednesday.
Luckily for me, I not only possess rugged good looks, a brick for a chin, and the whitest teeth this side of the equator, but I also am the proud owner of extremely large, flat feet which served me well on the surf board. The sharks had no chance to feast on my adventurous love handles. I soared brilliantly along the water as the largest waves known to man crashed behind me. Gordon l, on the other hand, didn’t fair quite as well. I’ll never forget his quick wit and boyish charm. He was always up for adventure. RIP Mr. Lumquist. Until we adventure again, perhaps in another life.
I headed back to the plane with the sun at my back and confidence in my step. Knowing my beard is indeed more manly (there was never a doubt) and with Gordon now deceased there was no other pretender to that throne.
Luckily, as I arrived at the plane, the pilot had regained consciousness. A few gold coins and all was forgotten. During the flight to Kyoto the flight attendant became enamoured with me and decided to follow me on my adventure. It happens often, but I gave her the same warning I give every woman who crosses my path, “I’m here for a good time, not a long time”. The flight attendant acquiesced as she realized a short time with an adventurer is better than no time. We were off to explore the city.
What happened in Kyoto?
That’s an adventure for another time.
– Stone Rockwell
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