All I’ve ever wanted to do is be a wrestler. It’s not a dream where I stand in front of 20,000 people. It’s just wrestling, myself and my opponent, in a ring; that is all I want to do. I write these blogs because ROH suggested it. Before that, I made videos. Everything I have done has been subject to criticism. That’s fine. I don’t mind being called ugly, stupid, and a barrage of other things in the comments; that comes with the territory.
What’s going on with us? I have a DVD player, and when I put in the nostalgia it becomes painful to watch. It used to be a source of inspiration not too long ago, and now it’s just a reminder of where my heart used to be. Every evening is now a FailArmy playlist with a pack of Doritos.
Christmas is coming.
Smell the pine needles? Stockings stuffed? It’s all there, but we stand solemnly this time. Look at what they’ve done to our Christmas table. They have sliced us up like a pizza, and now we’re divided. Who gets to eat?
Damn, dark start.
Hit pause on the remote. I wanted to do a shout-out once more to the optimists. I’m straight envy-green. How you can “glass is half full” at a time like this is beyond me. You can tell me to shift perspectives, but I’m dizzy from all the pivots, and now I don’t know who I am.
They always say, “You should have stronger convictions.”
Convictions to what? Baseless rhetoric? Where’s the book I’m supposed to abide by that saves me from this nonsense? There’s not one. They’ve destroyed all that.
Enough, Kellyanne! I’ll dress in black, throw my gear in the trunk, scrape the few pennies I’ve got together and go rogue.
Where do we go?
Away from a screen for starters. Those hands will stop sweating, and the pulsing headache you’ve been getting from scrolling that feed is very similar to the after-effects of a well-executed DDT. So maybe you’re more wrestler and less fan than you thought? All the more reason to hit the road with me and abandon the screen.
My friend showed me a picture of eggs from his farm. Chicken. They were all colors. Green, beige, brown. What have I been eating? Hopefully, his hens are laying by the time we get there.
What have we been eating?
What is this wrestling that we are consuming?
You know the answer.
Get your black suit. We’re going rogue.
Kellyanne is a pro wrestler from Australia under contract with Ring of Honor. The Other Side w/Kellyanne appears every other Wednesday.
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